Horrible thoughts after being diagnosed with bi polar...?

Well first off bi-polar has ups and downs, feeling great, and then feeling very depressed. It sounds like you are in that state right now. Since you took the news of the diagnosis very hard, it must have really exacerbated your depression. I'm uming you were prescibed a mood stabilizer. It takes a couple of months to fully kick in. Are you on a new med. Talk to your psych if you are not, to change or increase dosages. IF it is a new med, sometimes they can worsen, so you would want to tell immediately to take you off of it.